With joy sadness in our hearts, it is with great delight upsetness that we announce the departure of everyone's favourite Fred - Eibhilín. Having been with us since the start, we will miss her dearly. We will miss her sense of direction, her love of tea, her melifluous prose, her passion for wildlife and her ability to do things. But most of all, we will miss her justice, for she ruled with a firm - but fair - fist, and without her, anarchy will surely reign. Her reasons are her own, and anyone who ever met her or saw her on stage will understand how sad we will be without her, but we love her and wish her the best and will spend her royalties on things we think she would have liked. But falling in love with her four bandmates, no matter how handsome they were, probably wasn't a good idea. Earth has started it's celebrations early. Crazy ass ceremonies and sacrifices have begun around the world to mark the release of FRED's new super awesome album "Go God Go". Way sexier and soundier than the last album, this one will burn the trousers right off you and massage your feet. Nice. On Friday 30th May, expect Harry Potter like queues at record shops and on the internet as people shell out their hard earned on a record that will enable them to learn to sing along to songs that will be performed by FRED as they tour the towns and villages of the nation. Tour dates to follow. Pay attention. WORD UP FRIENDS We know people like news, so we're here to reprazent the shit. NEW ALBUM One may notice, if one is so inclined, that we are not playing around much at the moment. This is because we are currently recording a brand new album. This album is going to be sexier than the last one, and will match it's playful effervescence. Consider an emotional journey you've been through recently. Well that's what you'll go through again on listening. We're working very hard every day and night of this winter period to create this for you, so when it comes out next spring 2008, it will solve global warming. You're welcome. Oh yeah, we're always looking for good song titles, so send us ideas...... Do you look like this guy? Well, it doesn't matter, just as long as you share his taste in music. Ever the innovators, Fred are the first band to ever put their music on iTunes - probably. And you can download it - for money, wahey!!! As well as iTunes, Fred's amazing album is available on lots of other digital distribution places. All you have to do is stick your credit card in the floppy drive and the album comes out your computer. Does New York love you? Do the American people give you nice things and want to cook you dinner? If so, then you're probably in Fred. So, after weeks of charming, schmoozing, bowling over, assaulting and garrotting, Fred return home, conquering heroes of the new territories. "Jayzus, that's probably how Columbus felt!" exudes Eibhilín, "Very nice place!". But what did they achieve. "We achieved goals, many of them" enlightens Jamie, "Inner children were discovered, who grew into inner men, and then proceeded to play very good gigs and impress industry folk" But what of the rumours of lost bass players. "Unlike the army, we have a saying - 'Leave one man behind' - straws were drawn, tears were cried, hugs were hugged, and he was thrown from the steps of the plane" he concludes. Seems a little harsh, but then bassists aren't exactly people, so it's easier to deal with. And what now? What can Ireland expect from it's prodigal sons and daughter? "Not much" says Justin. New York City is a small village in the west of Ireland. This sleepy little fishing spot has been shocked into sporadic bouts of interest by the arrival of the Exciting Music Band, Fred. Trundling into town like a thing that trundles, the band have wowed high powered music folk and medium powered fishermen. One New Yorker was heard to ruminate "Oh my goodness, they're so lovely" before casually attempting to pop a cap in the band's ass. As yet unscathed, the band have played shows that have melted the minds of New York Hipsters and melted the faces of old New York Women. But what does this mean for freedom? Well, not a whole lot really, but the world is slightly more free due to the blistering set played in Manhattan's Radio City Music Hall. As well, the question as to how to get to Carnegie Hall has been answered. Take the Subway uptown on the F or V line to 59th and 6th, then walk a block left to 7th Ave. It's on your left....... Oh yeah, we saw Stevie Wonder and Snoop Dogg. See the gigs page for more US dates..... "Hey, you wanna smell something I made?" In the past, when Jamin asked friends and loved ones this question, the answer was rarely yes. But now, he has an odour to be proud of. And he made it all on his own......... "I was in the bathroom, making stuff. You know, basslines and witticisms and such, when suddenly I felt creative in an olfactory kind of way," recounts Jamin. "I started thinking, this is gold, this smell right here I've got going on, so I grab the nearest handy receptacle, and damned if I didn't bottle it like a bottled analogy." But how can one bottle lightning? "One can't, so one bottles odours, and gives them a name. I decided to call it 'Nice Smell', cuz that's what it smelled like to me, you know, real nice like." But what of the ad-campaign? Does he not feel that there is an abundance of celebrity perfumes out there, why is his any different? "Girl, you gots to recognize! Hell yeah those other celebrities got their own stenches, but mine is smellier, in a way you can't pre-under-estimate. Plus, look at me, I'm all like black & white. Tasty!" The last two superpowers on Earth, it's about time they spent some cuddle-time together. One of these behemoths paves streets with gold, the other is America. "Ever since I was a little girl," nostalgias Eibhilín, "I've wanted to see Buckingham Palace and the Pyramids, I can't wait!". But she has to, as America is far away. But what will the fashionistas of Manhattan make of Ev's clothes, what will the great thinkers of Boisie, Idaho think of Joseph's innovative philosophical theories, what will all the fat people think of Justin's new diet? We shall have to wait and see. "See, the thing about America is that is was built by Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman!" purports Jamie. "They're from Kerry, like me, so I imagine I'll be given some kind of diplomatic immunity, and some of those twinkes and corn-dogs they have in the movies." But should the band base their knowledge of America on Hollywood Moving Pictures? "Yes, we should" Jamie continues, "Why wouldn't we, you idiot." Dublin Limerick Cork Galway Whelans The Boat Club The Spiegeltent Roisn Dubh Wed 3rd May Fri 5th May Tue 20th June Thurs 27th July Ever the innovators, Fred have once again displayed their technological vision and emotional apathy, by replacing their longtime human drummer with a robot drummer, who came straight from, get this, the future. "Yeah, it's cool having someone from the future in the band, as you know, I'm from Limerick myself" enthused Jamin, bass-player-from-the-present. "I think musically it'll keep us on our toes, and he told us that we have a good 7 or 8 years to go before the apocalypse, which is great!" "Robots are like people, you know, except they're different because they're more kinda like robots than people, in a way" theorised Eibhilín. "Actually, I'm not sure which one the robot is, I think it's the drummer. Ah, that's great............" But what of Justin, the human? "Oh, he'll be fine I imagine. He's a trooper" rhetorises Jamin. "But he's got to face facts, his position, along with many other jobs, was always under threat. For instance, we condidered outsourcing his job to the far east, China maybe, but practically, that might have been an issue, so we stuck with him. That is, of course, until we got a call from the Drumtron 2000, who said he was in town and looking for a few gigs. Awesome, you should hear him do cool robot sounds, he does a great R2-D2" You can now buy Fred's album online at our new Online Store or at www.roadrecs.com We value your custom and hope to create a strong business relationship here at www.fredtheband.com We value strength and synergie. We value goal orientated thinkng, and product supply. But most of all, we value you. Hugs and kisses Fred According to a new deal put in place by Joe Corp. International, the name Fred may not appear anywhere on Earth without a picture of Joe appearing next to it. Nevermind the four other stalwarth journeymen to whom this country is deeply indebted (Cavan, you owe us a fiver), they get nothing. Their image rights have been revoked. To put a stop to this despotism, come along to the Special Fred Gig Show in Cyprus Avenue on Feb 4th. It's for a good cause (no it isn't). Bankrupting bookmakers around the country, Stanley Super 800, Fred's arch nemesisis and long time plan foilers, have been named as the Irish Football Team's new manager. Oh dear! Usurping Fred once again (and other front-runner, Martin O'Neill), Stan have bizzarrely teamed up with old person Bobby Robson, to create a coalition of minds to dazzle and defy defenders and attackers of teams from around the world. "I'm the gaffer" exhorted lead singer Stan. "No, I bagsed being gaffer" retorted bassist Flor. "Vice Gaffer" nick-of-timed Tosh, electrobanjo-person extraordinaire. "Now calm down boys" reasoned Robson, "we can all be the gaffer!". But can they?? And what does this mean for Irish Football? "New rules!" announces Tosh. "Firstly, the granny rule will be a literal one, with attacking formations involving actual grannies," "I agree" smiles ladies-man Robson. Tosh continues "and the introduction of hurleys shall give us a physical edge over continental teams, whose tactics and methods are quite defense and non big stick orientated". "Also, Packie Bonner will be in goals for all penalties!" Every band has goals. Fred's ambitions are simple, musical adequacy and physical supremacy. That's why in Cork's Savoy Theatre, on November 23rd, Fred will take on Republic Of Loose and Simple Kid in a showdown of flesh, growling and piledrivers to becomse wrestling's ultimate champions. Not since Hulk Hogan and the Ultimate Warrior's European Rampage has such a show of bone-crunching ferocity come to these shores. "I'm gunna smack 'em real good, and then I'm gunna rip their heads off, and then I'm gunna go to work on 'em, and then, Vince McMahon, I'm comin' for YOU!!!" snarled Joseph, or 'The Stench Of Death' as he prefers to be called. The Stench continues with "And Simple Kid, I'm gunna take those headphones o' yours, and I'm gunna cunnect 'em to mah iPod, and I'm gunna listen to your unique brand of electro-alt/country and sing along with the choruses while I'm drivin' your becapped head into the canvas. Grr!" "And Republic Of Loose, I'm gunna come find ya, ask any ladies present to look away while I pretend to hit ya, and then I'm gunna fake pummel ya in the corner for a period of time. Mercy, I'm gunna go off with a metal chair, and cause some theatrical carnage. There shall be no clemency in my destruction. Touché!" Tickets €15. Available at The Savoy Theatre, the Bodega and Cork Opera House.